So, you've got career going well, social life blossoming with all of the invitations to the aforementioned events and living situation finally stable and sorted after the floors and futons of your twenties and the time is right to start looking for that present cost sharing, relative pleasing, pity conversation eliminating other half.
Step 1: Join a Website
A necessary evil for the career minded folk. When have we ever got time to meet anybody? We aren’t at university anymore, after all.
I have been a member of a few dating sites, ranging from hook up centric “Tinder” to the long term marriage pairing “Match.com”. Or at least that’s what they say on the tin. The reality is much bleaker. Whether you pay for a subscription or just download a free app, in my experience there is no different to the quality of potential love matches you happen to come across. Guys, if you disagree with that, you are welcome to prove me wrong.
Several men seem to frequent these sites. All of them, I have personally encountered:
Mr Dick Pic:
Yes! Literally just that. Ladies we have all encountered him. Mr. DP must see a girl and think “the best way to get this lady to response is to show her my dick. Yeah that will do it”. He is clearly deluded and always has the knack of sending them while you’re at work in a meeting or on the bus. *Ding* that is me getting off at the next stop much to the horror of the little old lady next to me
Success rate generally: 20% (ladies desperate for hook ups)
Success rate with me: 0%
Mr. Friend-Zone
He is normally lurking online and catches your eye because he looks well put together, has a nice smile and Woah. What is that?! A legible, witty, filled-in profile. This guy seems to be the whole package... and he seems that way for the first few days as you chat enthusiastically with each other about everything under the sun, talk about the future and likes and dislikes in partners. You may even have a chat on the phone. However, the shine is taken away from this guy as you realise that he is Mr. FZ. He has no intentions of ever meeting up. Just wants somebody to pass the time.
Well you know what? I am not looking for another friend. I have plenty of those thank you very much. You’re date question dodging, superficially friendly nature is boring me. I am not here to be your virtual entertainment.
Move along please.
Success rate generally: 50 % (a lot of girls get strung along by this; Catfish is a show for a reason after all )
Success rate with me: 10% (gone as soon as I realise it’s another Mr FZ)
Wave Goodbye to this guy!
Mr Casanova
This guy is usually drop dead gorgeous! Regular gym goer, party boy & another term for this guy is a 'player'. This guy wont chat to you long before he asks you out on a date. This guy comes with several warnings though. Be aware:
- He is usually messaging/dating 3 other girls as well as you!
- He is scared of commitment
- He will be looking for someone who regularly goes to the gym and looks after herself like him
- This guy could easily break your heart
This guy will also start conversations like "What are you wearing"? and "What are you up tonight?" (at the last minute)
The only way to handle this type of guy is to be aware of my points above. Also keep busy and dont be a phone slave to him. If he texts you last minute to ask you out, then NO you are busy! Go out and meet your girl mates as prearranged and dont drop them for him.
If you actually agree to the 'date' with this guy. I have advice on my posts called 'actual date' under 'Mr Casanova'. Only agree to go out with this guy, if you want something abit light and something fun to do. Remember my points and safe guard your heart.
Success rate generally: 70%
Success rate with me: 30%